If you told fifteen-year-old me that I’d be coming out as spiritual today, I’d LOL in your face.
Despite growing up in a very loving and culturally Jewish community, in many ways I was raised to be an atheist. I had relatives who told me that if it weren’t for money and religion, there’d be no problems in the world. People who believed in God were dummies. While those statements weren’t particularly comforting, they made perfect sense to me at the time.
As a child, I was very concerned about why I was alive, who I was, what consciousness meant, and what the point was of all this incarnation business. I didn’t get answers to these questions. In hindsight, I don’t know if I actually asked those questions out loud, but not having satisfying conversations about these questions disturbed me as I grew up.
When I found pot, magic mushrooms, MDMA, and cocktails, I finally felt answers to some of those questions click into place. We’re connected. There’s something bigger than me. Tools exist to understand and get through life.
Lifted out of myself under the influence of some external substance, I could look into your eyes and see myself reflected back. Aided by drugs and drinks, I could zoom in and out from microcosms to cosmic galaxies, I discovered strangers’ heartbeats, and I found some consolation in that way of life.
Some of those experiences introduced me to a kind of spiritual connection, but progressively they stopped having the same effect and I found myself living in a hell of my own making.
Also, when I was twenty years old, I was diagnosed with cancer. That really freaked me out. I thought I was going to die. I didn’t know how to emotionally deal with the aftermath of that trauma, even after it was confirmed that the surgeons did a great job getting those errant cells out of my body.
In my mid-twenties everything exploded. I was totally soul sick, physically ill, and just completely exhausted from trying to find relief.
Through the cracks of my little life crumbling apart, solutions for surviving on planet Earth, besides using my own faltering will power and controlled substances, began to creep into my awareness. I said I’m willing to change. I found the metaphysical text A Course In Miracles. Teachers like Gabrielle Bernstein, Marianne Williamson, Marie Forleo, Danielle LaPorte, Abraham-Hicks, Louise Hay, and Kris Carr appeared on my radar. I landed in Reiki school as a student. Sobriety emerged. New friends showed up. I started playing again like I did as a kid. Creative recovery became an option with books like The Artist’s Way and instant access sharing avenues like Instagram.
And now, small teeny tiny step by small teeny tiny step, as years have gone by and I’ve learned to practice my practices, one day at a time, I feel effing great. I feel fundamentally healthy in my being. I feel deeply safe with myself.
I attribute this new experience of life to being on a spiritual path that I love.
Even though I’ve been sharing about my own healing and spirituality on my website, social media, and in person with like-minded friends for a few years, it feels like now I’m standing at another threshold of visibility in my journey on this path, and that this next chapter calls for a gentle and definitive coming out as spiritual.
I came out as queer / bisexual / gay when I was fifteen years old.
Most reactions to that coming out were, “Great, so what? I love you.” As a cis-gender, white, middle class, really loved child growing up on the east coast of the USA in a community of liberal artists, teachers, and other weirdos, that coming out went pretty well for me, even though there we certainly some fears, tears, and a few years of coming of age angst. That’s not the experience that many queer folks have when coming out around the world. I got truly lucky.
This current chapter of coming out in my spiritual identity feels similarly safe and privileged, frightening and exciting.
Yeah, some people I love might not be totally on board with who I am and how that’s expressed, and that’s going to be alright. Sure, plenty of strangers aren’t going to be jazzed about what I have to share on my website, and it turns out that both of those things are 100% none of my business.
What I do know, more and more, is that as I follow what feels good, as I follow the signs and symbols that appear on my path, as I pay attention to the synchronicities all around me, and as I’m able to collect increasing evidence that it’s safe for me to be me, truly, in all parts of the worlds I inhabit, my perception of life gets better and better in every moment.
I like getting high with God — clean and sober.
I like connecting with other people who are actively on their own spiritual paths.
I like the lineage of witchcraft. I like crystals. I like energy work. I like time travel.
I like living a life that isn’t compartmentalized.
I like practicing discernment and I also like not having to hide who I am in real life, online, in my business, and in my relationships.
So I’m coming out. Coming out as spiritual. Coming out as witchy. Coming out as a spirit junkie.
I’m heavily enrolled in the school of being alive. I love following the lunar cycle. I’m really excited to be studying more about herbalism. I’m down with the metaphysical. I’m into quantum physics. I love learning about the galaxies, ancient astronaut theories, and how to flourish in this incarnation. I’m ready to learn more, I’m ready to share more, and I’m so glad that I don’t have to do any of that alone. I love you and I’m glad you’re here, too.
It’s all confidential til it’s not, and it’s all happening right now.
Today’s the day. Everyday.
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