All or nothing – yes, that kind of thinking can terrorize me.
Packing up my childhood home recently, I found myself entrenched in self-centered fear. I ricocheted between, “I need to throw every last thing out,” to, “I need to keep [hoard] everything.”
Both of those options incited the possibility of a panic attack for me. Thankfully, my right mind – after I checked in with a friend, took a few moments to pause and practice Reiki, and drank a huge cup of water – reminded me that there are many options in between the two unappealing extremes of All or Nothing and that I have the option to choose one of those new paths.
Ah – the miracle – a shift in perception.
A similar experience is coming up for me as I’ve been gearing up to write this first blog post in my new weekly practice. The self-centered fear roars up and tells me not to create or share anything at all – life will feel safer in its stagnation if I choose that very deafeningly bossy option. Then though, my internal pendulum swings to the other extreme: If I’m going to share, I must share EVERYTHING, and right now.
Food, feelings, morning practice, nighttime practice, belly button lint, every documentary I’m working with, every new website I’ve created recently, all of the songs I like right now, introductions to each of the folks on my new biz support team (!), and a detailed description of the wild ride experiences I’ve recently had around business expansion intersecting with spiritual practice, bodywork, forgiveness, play, healthy weeping, and unbelievable laughter.
I’ve gotta give it all to you. Right now. Or else nothing at all. Silence. All or Nothing. That ancient pattern. That old, paralyzing trope that no longer serves me or anyone else.
There is a precious and expansive space between All or Nothing – and that’s where I desire to stand with this practice.
I intend to share the valuable tools that have been working for me as I integrate the different realms of my practices – art, healing, communion, online biz management – into a flexible, cohesive, and fun life path.
I’m going to share the practical solutions, teachers, and creations that are currently inspiring me with the offering that they may serve you too.
For me this gets back, relentlessly, to practice. Whatever I’m practicing in the moment – drawing, writing these words and sharing them with you, dancing, chanting, assembling stones, playing make believe, blending a green smoothie – it’s all, for me, always about coming back to the present moment. Being here now. Returning to Universal Energy. Remembering that I can live in the Crystal Current if I just let go of the reeds.
And so can you. Each moment is an invitation to re-arrive in Now.
In contemplating the space between All or Nothing, I can endlessly rediscover all I’m ever really searching for – the possibility to be present.